拧巴简史

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最近用ibooloo，只图比大巴方便~

千辛万苦回来了，回来就好好呆着，别搞幺蛾子了。放假前三天把真真童鞋的《文艺复兴与巴洛克》续借了，快速扫阅式的看完，可能是翻译的不完善加之快要放假心绪飘忽，看得有点没头绪，感觉文艺复兴和巴洛克的风格变迁的脉络还是没有理顺，把《中国古代思想史论》和张老师给的《贵妃的红汗》带回了家，这个讲古代女子化妆品的，兴趣点之一，原先MARK过，现在读读看能不能找出切入点。我看到英语成绩了，很高，在这里谢谢毛士国老师。家里的好吃的真的太多了，我感到被口腹之欲狠狠包围和操纵，这不行，请继续过自制的生活。

太久没上来唠叨，这里要荒废了。一学期的快节奏要慢慢轻缓一下。昨天英语考试结束了，复习三天+一学期从未缺勤的课堂记录+认真的听课，暂且自认考的还过得去。考试前我抱着一根玉米前往考场教室，路上遇到了骑着自行车的毛老师，我很惊异在这样的学校和这样的年代，还有坚持以骑车为代步工具的老师，不过我相信，同时代中总是有一些心理学意义上不同年代的人，能够看得出，这事关品格维持，毛老师平时上课勤恳负责，对学生诲勉有加，他甘愿以朴素一面生活，是鲜有的，讲体例的好教师，遇到他我倍感庆幸。最后一堂课时候，我早晨忘记喝咖啡，睡眼惺忪还是第一个举手做了最后的即兴演讲，毛老师表示：FJ同学，蛮好的。这很是开心。这半年在学校的生活过上了不出状态，不出控制的生活，同学讲我是“标兵”，不知道这个“标兵”是标准兵还是标枪兵哈哈哈，只是因为深深知晓这是自己曾经失去又拼命赎来的学校生涯的再开始，虽然累一点，但是我感到自己努力的状态就是自己格外珍惜这里的佐证~~~
前天散步一直往西走，沿着苏州河，快到虹桥机场那里，每五分钟看到涌染着夕阳余晖的天空上一架飞机起飞，有时一起飞就向北面天空去了，有的飞一段渐渐朝南，国内班机一架接着一架，我突然就想不起很多人，又想起了很多人。
我就在想，要是飞机上恰好有一个人是对我而言很重要的人，而我此时就在那片空旷的不知名的地面上，遥遥的看着他搭乘的班机，伴着一闪一闪的红色信号灯，和我的心绪一样，起飞，降落，一会儿，bang~他就真的出现在我的面前了，唉，这该是件夺么曼妙的事情呀。
Alas，我发现我越发的能够忍受孤独了，在这也有一些朋友，寝室人也很融洽友善，本科时候的缺憾在这时得到了一些弥补和滋润，只是我们都明白彼此已经不再需要谁过分的心灵上的靠近，这样也好，每当一些适当的，必然的孤寂感来袭我心，我就觉得这是在正常不过，这是自我对谈，自我发现，自我修炼的契机，很快也会化解了，而我也会打电话，但频率较少。我和渐渐越来越多的朋友成了一年见一面的珍贵朋友。有小小的遗憾，似乎还想重回在画室里，在教室里，在K歌房，在饭桌上，在旅途中，执心而伴的日子，但也许愈稀弥珍。我们都回不去了对不对。

[ti:fools like me]
[ar:lisa loeb]
[al:the very best of lisa loeb]

everybody go
the party's over
i want to be alone in my head
in my bed tonight
you never show
you must really love her
you think i don't know
but i do, yeah it's true
i think over is over
i'm right back where i started
(when it comes to wanting you)
i can't have what i wanted
chorus
but i did, i can
i was, i am
only human, living, dying
just like any fool who ever breathed
if love is blind
if love's a drug
it always is
it always was and
love was surely made for fools like me

i know where i'm going
i'm tripping i'm sliding around
that's ok
at least i'm excited
it wasn't how i planned it
(wasn't how i planned it
feet are where i landed
at least i understand it now)
my feet are where i landed
(feet are staying on the ground)
chorus
but i did, i can
i was, i am
only human, living, dying
just like any fool who ever breathed
if love is blind
if love's a drug
it always is
it always was and
love was surely made for fools like me
fools like me
fools like me

i did, i can
i was, i am
only human, living, dying
just like any fool who ever breathed
maybe it's the sanest thing
or just the sweetest kind of dream
but love was surely made for fools
(love was surely made for fools)
love was surely made for fools
(love was surely made for fools)
love was surely made for fools like me

WJ老猫今天说：经常YM的想。。。我到底何时干啥。。。我到底先干啥。。。想了半天也不知道。。。然后去问男人。。。男人说他更YM。。。他更不知道自己该干啥。。。我一看他更YM。。。我就跟更更YM了。。。

她这么一说突然让我想起来，我为什么喜欢M了，因为在我周围的一票人都不知道以后要干啥的时候，他一直就明白自己以后要干啥，这真是我最喜欢的地方，我觉得这太珍贵，就飞蛾扑火的喜欢去。到现在我也不知道我以后要干啥，但和你一样，我只知道我不想干啥了，不想在中国做个底层设计师就是其中之一。
去年这个时候我正在报名，还见了一面老师，她给我的不只是信心，我那会儿就发现了，我在躲，躲回学校去，而且我更发现，连躲，都要躲得用尽力气，躲得奋不顾身，躲得勇往直前，躲，需要勇气和信心，我心里明白是躲，但前面那么多表语都是为了给别人看到是这么一个假象，那就是我除了躲，我总会得到些什么。
我真觉得我干这个挺搞笑的，搁三年前，不，哪怕是一年前，我自己绝对想不到我会走到这儿来，各么现在，学长每天和你聊得都是学术界展讯，论坛，讲座，大师言论生平&逸闻趣事，每当这时我心里就在无声的呐喊：哎呀，我真的适合。。。或者我真的配，和这些文化人混在一起吗。。。我怎么他妈的胆寒而又欣慰啊。但我又一想，把书读读，至少别读到狗肚子里，读到自个儿肚子里，做到这么一件简单而难以坚持的事，兴许就能有质变，谁都是这么过来的。我把画画放下，至少是现在暂时放下，我不服输的想：我，就想看看，除了这个，我，还，能不能，干别的了！

秋凉不再是享受，开始发凉的手脚紧紧齁住片刻就不再温热的水杯，把脸埋在围巾里，瑟缩走在枯中泛红的梧桐叶纷落的小径上，我的生活开始有了规律感，我不喜欢，也不够讨厌，每当我刷着睫毛，真真的起床闹铃便开始响起，我晚上来到图书馆，总能偶遇一同修读教育史学课认识的男孩子，闽南腔，喜阅史记新唐书后唐书，红着脸颊在老师的怂恿下大段大段的背诵曹操的诗篇，我对越来越广袤的东西开始产生兴趣，我想去码头，七宝，下海庙，真如寺，游移在各种古风苡弥的场所。。。未完，先去上课~今天要在学院待上一整天，真是逼人~！

MLGBD，我TMD二十五了，敲下这个数字可真是艰难，我简直愿意付出任何代价以便回到18岁，我不明白为什么我的生活就像一颗被方便面厂捉住的蔬菜~被狠狠的脱了水，然后滑稽的被装进了一个小袋子里。

[ar:the fray]
[al:how to save a life]

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
How to save a life